Review – Thor

Origin stories are a no-brainer for introducing comic book heroes to the straight crowd of mainstream commercial cinema, so I was unsurprised that Thor focused on making the connection from Valhalla to Earth, and introducing a backstory as to why a god would hang out with mortals.

It skips on the old comic origins of Thor having his memories of godhood removed and placed in the body of a handicapped scientist, for the sexier story of having Thor pissed off that his powers were taken, but otherwise being in his own body, one still quite capable of fucking people up.

I know it’s stupid to nitpick some things about a comic book movie, but lets get my gripes out of the way right now. The costumes were an attempt to sexy up classic designs, but they came across as a bit plastic looking, along with some of the other props. S.H.I.E.L.D. is portrayed as iron-fisted and comes across as unreasonable and ignorant, and it is intentional, as one of the characters refers to them as being ‘jack-booted’, but I can’t help but think that in the current American political climate, driven by PATRIOT Act injustices similar to what S.H.I.E.L.D. was guilty of here, that they could have been softened up a bit. Maybe that’s a plus, it depends on your point of view.

But it does other things absolutely right. Hemsworth is a great Thor. He’s physically and esthetically right for the part. None of the Asgardians display much in the way of Nordic accents though. Anthony Hopkins as Odin seemed just right. The special effects are flashy and loud, make good use of screen real-estate and convey the source material well.

As I said, it skips from my favorite origin story, but that said, it managed to keep the spirit of the comics close, while still being accessible to the general public. The action scenes are exciting, and there are some hilarious slapstick moments early on. As expected, Loki plays a large part, but almost any mention of his actions could be spoiler intensive since he is such a huge part of the plot, so I’ll leave it up to you to find out.

Yes, that last line is subtle speak for go watch the damn movie. It’s good! It’s not the best comic book movie, but it’s FAR from the worst (lookin’ at YOU Punisher:War Zone) it’s a fun action movie that strays from guns and grenades to emphasize melee beatdowns and that of course is the whole point. And Stan Lee’s required cameo is absolutely hilarious.

7/10

Safe Facebook-ing

OK, everyone has Facebook now. Your kids, your boss, even your grandparents. It’s become a primary method for family and friends to communicate, to get in touch with old acquaintances, and so on.

Facebook is constantly updating, streamlining the process, altering, adding new features, and so on. It’s known for addictive little timewasters in the form of microapps that run entirely in flash and java. “How well do you know your friend?” quizzes, Mafia Wars and FarmVille, Honesty Box, and even some useful apps like Civvillage and NetworkedBlogs.

The downside to having such a large userbase means that people are going to try to exploit it. There are malware apps all over Facebook, waiting to prey on the unaware, the ignorant, or the plain stupid.

Protect yourself, and send this to anyone on your friends list that may be less aware.

Safe Facebook Rule #1
Be careful what apps you try or install. Read them carefully, some ask for a ton of permissions and will spam your friends list with updates. This is annoying for them, and with malicious apps, can compromise their computer as well as yours. Most games ask for your friends list and basic info. Try to stick with games with high user ratings or by established companies.

Safe Facebook Rule #2
If a post from a friend seems odd or out of place, regard it with suspicion. Especially if grandma is suddenly asking you to check out videos of bikini clad co-eds. Somethings probably not right. This leads right on to….

Safe Facebook Rule #3
Watch for hidden URLs. Services like TinyURL have been around for years, and are quite handy for cutting down massively long links, but they have the downside of hiding the true destination of the link until it’s too late. There are Firefox extentions that allow peeking at the full URL before going to it, but some people don’t want to bother with extentions, so just keep this in mind: Any url with typical URL shortening services (Like bit.ly or tinyurl) should be regarded with caution. Is the poster of the link known for using those services? If not, be suspicious. Also watch for links that try to look legitimate. youtu.be and goog.le for instance are known scam urls that lead to attack sites.

Safe Facebook Rule #4
Be wary of logging in. A favorite method of some of those attack sites is to spoof (copy) the facebook login page, asking for your email and password (usually with a similar address, like faceboo.k.com ) and then redirecting you back to facebook. Meanwhile they have your login info and access to ALL of your info. Beware!

Safe Facebook Rule #5
Monitor all of your settings. Under the Account link on the upper right side, there is a Privacy setting selection. In there you can pick who sees what, manage a block list of bad people, and edit app and website settings. Make sure those applications and Facebook enhanced websites can only do what you want them to.

Safe Facebook Rule #6
Be wary of people you’ve only added to boost your numbers in games, or people you only know online or loosely. If one of these has tagged you in a photo and you’ve never taken a photo with them or talked to them, it might be prudent to avoid clicking on them.

Be safe and enjoy your social network!

Public School Failure

I was told by a teacher that it’s not their fault that they can’t teach the children because they’re tardy, or show up high, or have no concept of authority. That’s not entirely the fault of the public school system, that’s just a symptom of a larger problem. 20 years ago when I was in elementary school (various public schools in the south) there were children who failed. If you acted up you got paddled, sometimes in front of the whole class, if you didn’t do your homework or brought home bad grades your parents were called and usually the kid would get a good smack. Now we don’t do any of those things because of some misguided idea about “child abuse”, so kids no longer have a sense of authority.

No, the problem with public schools that was even the problem then is teachers wanting some kind of pity party, “Oh the kids are not paying attention/showing up high, or whatever” Guess what, that’s your job. You fail those kids, and expend your energies on the ones who do give a damn, and you owe them better than cookie cutter lowest common denominator education. And that’s been happening for a long time, even when I was in school. Teachers would come in, give you your lesson for the day, and pass out worksheets or book assignments, spending the rest of the day sitting at a desk getting annoyed if a child would ask them a question about the assignment. I understand that I only had a few teachers compared to the vast number there are out there, but I moved a when I was young and that sample includes 4 states and some 30-odd teachers. The entirety of my usable education came from self study.

When I got to High School it was worse. A LOT worse. Therein we get the teachers who are disillusioned, the ones that already figure the system is broken and all they have to do is show up and get paid. Some of my teachers did not have a basic grasp on the material they were teaching, so any creative thought processes are quickly crushed by a teacher who can only check the material by what it says in the book.

Their priority is testing scores and they actually go so far as to coach people on how to take the tests and in some cases actually provide answers, to give the school inflated numbers for more funding. Hurray for the children right? They’re just numbers to the school system.

Now teachers consistently demand cost of living wages, forgetting they’re in the public sector and aren’t entitled to those higher wages because they’re being paid with public funds, and have undreamed of job security and a massive amount of benefits. Oh and lets not forget about the striking, that teachers still get paid for, and forget about the kids! Let’s shut down a whole system (A public system) because we’re unhappy that we aren’t getting even more of the public’s money, and allow the kids to founder. No big deal, each kid isn’t an individual, it’s one of 30, nameless faces that will change in a year anyway.

Public school teachers should be ashamed of themselves.

Review – Sucker Punch

OK so I saw Sucker Punch the other day.

Great visuals...

I’ve been trying to figure out how to go about this since I’m sure the 4 people who read this and the 15-20 random clicks I get from Facebook are going to be angry about it.

I didn’t care for it.

It started out very promising, poignant, stylish from the start, those flashy good looks that Zack Snyder’s known for, but a good concept (in the vein of Terry Gilliam’s Brazil) was given poor treatment. Character development was too sparse; Brazil worked because of the personalities of the characters, Sucker Punch was lacking.  It had a quest element that I was excited about, but it’s too easy to identify the early plot markers, so the exposition sequence later is less rewarding to the viewer than it should have been. You end up feeling a bit let down.

Visually the film is outstanding. Details jump out at you, the backgrounds during the metaphor sequences were stunning, and the action therin was fantastic. Choreography was spot on. The costumes were a bit anachronistic, being the movie is set in the 50’s, but they appeal to the young male demographic the movie is clearly aimed at. The live sets are detailed and gorgeous as well, and definitely provide a proper feeling of foreboding.

All this cannot save it from a lack of character development and a forced twist that adds nothing to the merit of the movie.

If you want a mindless action spectacular, you could do worse. It’s made to appeal to that crowd.
If you like your movies a little less prosaic in the intellectual department, avoid Sucker Punch.

Review – Rango

Rango is very disturbing.

At least it’s not what I imagined from a Nickelodeon produced movie. It starts with what can only be described as creepy imagery, the titular character playacting with discarded material, making inappropriate innuendo with a decapitated Barbie. These are the toys his owner chose for him.

Soon after, our ‘hero’ is speaking with roadkill, and the movie is quickly devolving into what can only be described as a cross between a Roadrunner cartoon, and a western that includes an inordinate amount of dialogue intended for heavier thinking than the average 6 year old is going to muster, and more than a few jokes that are more appropriate for a PG-13 rating.

The aspiring actor takes the moniker of Rango in an effort to save himself, and gets into a typical corruption/outlaw tale that we’ve seen a hundred times before in a thousand westerns. There’s nothing really new or interesting here. It comes across clunky, and the constant breaking of the 4th wall seems intrusive rather than story driving. Another thing, it’s surprisingly violent.

I do like the animation style, if not the character models themselves, and I do like the nods you see to some of Depp and Verbinski’s earlier work. Ultimately Rango feels like it could have been it could have been fantastic but falls short due to poor execution and over-reaching dialogue, it just doesn’t know what it wants to be. The movie might have come across better if it hadn’t been marketed as a kids movie. I don’t think cursing, even mild, should be in something you want to show to your innocent progeny. (Just to be clear, no I’m not a fucking prude, but I don’t talk to my kids that way…)

This sounds rough, it’s certainly not going to scar a child for life in my opinion, it just might not interest all of them for long. And you may have to explain a couple of the jokes. Or cleverly avoid explaining them. But in my opinion this is not a child’s movie. The themes of murder, violence and organized crime are prevalent, and not something I think is particularly appropriate for children.

Bottom line, I cannot recommend Rango. Not at the theater price at any rate. It might be worth picking up on DVD or on a service like Netflix if you have it, but save your theater cash for something better.

4/10

Review – Paul

So yeah I saw Paul recently and I gotta say, I was moderately impressed. The general hook should be known to anyone who’s seen a trailer or commercial, but in case you are one of the few that don’t know, Paul is about an alien.

Shocker!

No seriously, the movie spends most of the first act getting to know a couple of nerds (Pegg and Frost) with means. Tourists from England – I know the USA’s economy is bad but I dunno how a couple of pocket pulp writers make the scratch to come to the US, stay in 3-4 star hotels, rent an RV and pay for gas, oh and do this in the several cities the Comicon travels to… Why sleep in a hotel when you have an RV? Travel and food at gas stations isn’t expensive enough? Maybe I’m not being fair because this is the only major story flaw in my opinion. I’m guessing the writers being successful actors have lost the concept of expense, especially while travelling abroad.

Enter the Alien (voiced by Rogen) near the end of the first act, a stereotypical Roswell (Or Alienware) design alien, which I’m impressed to say is actually explained in the movie pretty well. Suffice to say the movie certainly plays up the government conspiracy angles, makes hundreds of in jokes and several predictable but well executed potty humor moments. Some of the in jokes are surprisingly cerebral, so the nerdier you are, the more you’ll enjoy them.

I do imagine that some religious groups could be somewhat offended by this movie. I won’t explain why because I personally thought the scene and subsequent subplot was absolutely hilarious, and if anyone seriously gets mad at a work of fiction… Well, fuck ’em if they can’t take a joke.

We take our road trip off towards the movie’s climax, ensuring several moments for giggles, a surprisingly decent amount of action, and a surprise twist that I would call worthy of Shyamalan, except Shyamalan’s movies tend to slam it in your face as if you were stupid, this one kind of just pops in as a “Oh, well now I gotta look at that differently” and it works. Oh and it doesn’t involve Paul being allergic to water and coming to a planet that’s near 80% surface water. Stupid Shyamalan. Get an easier name to spell, you hippie.

The guest star couldn’t have been chosen better considering the subject of the movie. Fantastic. I must also stress that the dialog and character actions are not the only canvas used for comedy. Some of the background items are used for fantastic comedic effect. I nearly choked on my drink when I saw the photos on The Big Guy’s desk.

The movie is a high six, low seven for me. Seth Rogan’s voice works quite well for the alien, Jason Bateman is believable too. It’s marred by Hader as Haggard. I understand he’s playing comic relief, but I think the movie would have benefitted a bit more with a slightly more serious actor. As it is, it’s hard to suspend your disbelief when you see Hader’s questionable ‘clueless’ routine. It’s been done before, we see the same character in Superbad. He’s by no means bad in the part, I just think the part ultimately was done wrong for this movie. Whether that’s scripting or acting is not information I am privy to, nor do I care all that much.

Because despite that, I can’t recommend it enough. I laughed out loud regularly, and certainly annoyed people sitting nearby.

 

7/10

It’s a quarter after one, I’m broke again and I need a job….

I’ve been humming that for 20 minutes, I figured I might as well do the diary thing.

I sit here staring at one of 17 different ‘job’ sites that seem to promise hundreds of jobs, in anticipation of spending another 6 hours filling out applications and I realize, these are all listing the same jobs with different referrers. I do a little time cross referencing and I get a list of over 1100 jobs on 4 websites down to about 250. Multiple listings make it look like there is so much more available than there really is. I go through my remaining 250, knock out the ones that require experience or education I don’t officially have. I’m down to 20 in a few minutes. I check the ones that have pay under the level which can provide for my family, which knocks half out. I file these for later consideration. Desperate times.

I have 10 left, and 4 of those are so far away that the fuel costs for transport would be prohibitive, likely dropping potential earnings well below what it would take to make rent and bills. So I file with the remaining six. Meanwhile I ponder.

How many people are sitting here like me now? I estimate that with a 15-20% employment rate, that would statistically average to 500 people in my small town alone. a hundred thousand across southern New Jersey. Are all of us fighting for those same 6 jobs? Now I ponder the online applications. Under “Desired Wages” I put enough to skate by my rent and bills and gas budget in a week, with a small buffer. With 100K people looking for the same job, I might be in trouble – they could put a lower figure in the desired wages column and send me right up. Happened the other day with Home Depot. Happened with Wal-Mart too.

I also realize that doing all this cross referencing and comparison would qualify as work in any number of jobs….

Hire me. It’s a quarter to two now. Got plenty of time.

PC Essentials – Part 2

Now that we’ve done the major software needs, we’ll focus on the niche stuff that a good portion of you will still need. The format here will be a little different, because we’ll be dealing with more specific needs.

File Archiving
By now most people have seen a zip file. Windows has had integrated support for the ZIP format since Windows XP, and it’s visibility is relatively minimal. You can generally just open a zipped archive like a standard folder, and drag and drop the files you need into a standard (uncompressed) folder. Easy. But ZIP is not the only compression standard in wide use. We have RAR, ACE, ZIP, and a few others on top of that, including the venerable ARC. You could download a filetype specific archive program when you run across a new archive standard, or you could be prepared for them. 7-zip is versatile and robust, and opens almost everything, and adds a context option for simple archiving.

BitTorrent Client
Peer to peer is the way to transfer massive demand files. Torrents have revolutionized sharing and made downloading large files convenient, and in some cases much faster. Instead of downloading a single large file, a torrent works by downloading small pieces of the file from multiple people who already have the file, or pieces of it that you don’t. The torrent client reads the instructions for the pieces it needs and how to assemble them from the torrent file, and puts them together into a full copy of the original file. µTorrent (pronounced Micro-torrent, though people will know what you mean if you call it You Torrent) is full featured, but so efficient the whole program is less than a half of one megabyte in size. That’s smaller than most image files.

Uninstaller
Anyone who’s had their computer for longer than a month has replaced one or two programs. Anyone who bought the computer ‘off the shelf’ (Meaning you bought a ready built computer from a manufacturer like Dell or HP) had a bunch of demo and trial software on it. Most people will do one of two things, leave it on there and ignore it (bad idea), or use the Add/Remove programs feature of Windows to remove it. I recommend against this. While it will get rid of a majority of the software, it’s not foolproof. It can leave massive amounts of registry files that you don’t need, and in some cases the software simply won’t vacate the premises. I recommend an outside solution. Revo Uninstaller comes in a free and a paid version. The free one does an adequate job in my experience, of finding all the traces that are normally left over with the standard uninstall programs.
If you have a brand new PC, but know you don’t want any of the trial crap they’ve given you, download PC Decrapifier and run it. It’s a self contained scripted application that will run a wizard to remove most of the unwanted crud on your PC. It can make your antivirus nervous. Don’t worry, it won’t harm your computer. If your AV software reacts it’s due to the way this software is written, very much like a typical data destruction virus can be. This only deletes what you tell it to do though.

Secure Deletion
Some people have very sensitive data on their computers. There are various programs around that offer data deletion with rewrite and so forth. I’ve found that File Shredder does the job, at the fantastic price of free. It essentially deletes the file, notes that spot on the hard drive, marks over it, and repeats that 3 times. After a day or two of normal computer use, the file is gone. After a week, the NSA wouldn’t be able to find it, much less the skeevy dude at the coffee shop who wants your credit card number.

File Recovery
OK, you finished typing up your thesis, saved it, and go and delete all the unnecessary files on your thumb drive, only to realize you accidentally deleted the file you needed to turn in. Provided you aren’t just telling that story to your professor to cover for not doing it, you can run Recuva to restore that deleted file. This won’t work on files you deleted with File Shredder. This doesn’t mean Recuva isn’t working, just means File Shredder did what it was supposed to.

DVD Authoring
There are lots of DVD authoring programs that have a more robust feature list than DVD Flick, but it offers ease of use, a wide range of supported formats and codecs, and they offer it at no charge, which makes it right in everyone’s price range.

Audio Editing and Recording
Audacity is fantastic. Whether you’re a nerd in a basement making podcasts for 4 other people online, or a fledgling indie band mixing tracks for a demo, or a professional studio (I think) Audacity seems to do it all. I’m no audio expert, but I’ve made a lot of use out of it, it had a lot of reverb and cleanup options, and tons more things to do that I didn’t understand. I did a couple recordings for gamer podcasts and I have a few friends in bands that gave me the thumbs up on this one. The price is right to try it out for yourself though. Yeah, free.

If you have suggestions for software for me to test, let me know in comments or by email. More of these PC Essential posts are likely to follow.

PC Essentials – Part 1

I get a lot of people asking me how to do various things on the PC. From how to watch certain videos that won’t play under Windows Media Player to reading MS Office documents when they can’t afford Microsoft’s (admittedly overpriced) software. This post might not do you the most good if you’re running a linux distro or coming here on a Mac, but some of the software below works on all three major OSes. So maybe you’ll find something you like too.

This post and it’s followup are all about software solutions. Basically it’s a standard loadout, software that does what you want, and with minimal hassle. Almost anything you could ever need usually has a free version online somewhere. Sometimes the free versions outperform the paid versions. But the bottom line is, you presumably paid good money for your computer, and it should do what you want it to.

Here’s this asshole’s picks for the best software for your buck.

Web Browser:
Firefox
Without a doubt Firefox has the most versatile web browser I know of. The base browser is robust enough, runs everything I can throw at it, and is immune to Active X exploits. Chrome is a bit lighter, Opera runs with less footprint, but the real power of Firefox comes by way of the plugins. Tons of plugins. Firefox lets you easily theme, redesign the window, and supplement your experience with various Add-Ons that enhance your user experience. One of my favorites is the NoScript add-on, which prevents sites from running javascript without your express permission. I’d say a good 95% of viruses spread by this method nowadays, so it’s a no-brainer for me. Another is AdBlock, which makes viewing a lot of websites MUCH more enjoyable. Firefox is my browser of choice.
Runner Up: Google Chrome. Fast browser, lighter footprint than Firefox, but nowhere near as customizable…yet.

Office Software:
OpenOffice
OpenOffice.org is an open source software suite that performs the same tasks you would get from Microsoft Office or WordPerfect Office, with the benefit of being free and open-source. The software takes a bit of learning if you’re used to the MS method, but once you learn it you have some major benefits. First off, it’s free of charge, for one computer or a hundred. Secondly, you can read, edit and save as almost every file format, which cuts compatibility issues drastically. Third, it can output directly as a professional PDF, which makes publishing and working with other professionals much easier.
Runner Up: Calligra Suite
Calligra is technically superior to OpenOffice in many ways. It has more features, more graphics solutions – vector design for example, and can import MS files as well. The learning curve is much greater however, so OpenOffice edged it out.

Graphics Software:
The GiMP
The Gimp software is an open source answer to Photoshop. It’s very powerful, has tons of features and customization options, and a decently low memory footprint. It can save your image in a number of file types, and with practice, you can put out quality images that are professional quality with little effort. I must be honest, CS5 is easier to use and has more features, but I honestly don’t think the extra features are worth CS5’s $400+ price tag.
Runner Up: Krita – Not as powerful, but still very featured software. As a bonus, it’s part of the Calligra Suite I mentioned earlier.

Image Viewer:
IrfanView
Yeah, you can look at your pictures folder without downloading other software. But have you noticed it’s very bare bones? IrfanView is a true godsend for people who spend a lot of time with pictures. It can easily go from a full screen slideshow mode to a standard viewer, easily scales, can edit the images without an outside program, rotates images without loss of information, fast directory changing inside the program, filtering, batch support, will show .gifs animated, and can handle amost every image type I’ve ever seen. It will even play videos and read some pdfs.
Runner-Up: Just use the Windows one. Most other viewers cost money or have poor support, or simply don’t do enough to warrant a change.

Video Viewing:
VLC (VideoLAN – Originally VideoLAN Client)
WMV, MP4, MKV, AVI, XviD, DivX, whatever the file is, VLC doesn’t care. It plays it. It plays it with subtitles (if you have the subtitle file), with menus, with a software amplifier to sound, with a ton of customization options, graphic equalizer, video tweaks, surround sound options and so forth. VLC is more versatile than any DVD player. Oh, it plays DVDs too.
Runner Up: Media Player Classic
Another fantastic media player, it trades some of VLCs customization options and file versatility for a more Windows tailored program.

Audio Listening:
iTunes
OK, normally I wouldn’t support an Apple product, but you know what? iTunes is a prime example of software done right. It plays all common audio formats (or converts files to formats it can play) and most of your DRM infested digital copies of movies play better in the iTunes format (not to mention being able to watch them on the go on an iPod or iPhone is a great boon) I’ll admit it, the Zune is trying, but iPods are kicking it’s ass. Since the iTunes software is free, there’s no reason not to take advantage of it. It provides a clean interface, with great design, and very few bugs.
Runner(s) Up: Foobar2000 and Songbird are both on my radar. Foobar looks like it’s an audiophile’s dream, but has proved extremely buggy. It does support FLAC and OGG though, so it may be worth a wait on a more stable version. Songbird has the clean and polished interface like iTunes, and functions much the same, but with more of an Android focus.

Antivirus:
AVG Free
I cannot speak well enough of AVG. I tend to avoid the general practices that account for more than 80% of the viruses online (porn, clicking random apps on Facebook, warez and crack sites) but not all of my friends do. If I can get to the point where I can install AVG (which can be a whole other story) AVG can, 9 times out of 10, find the offending critter, and quarantine or destroy it, restoring much use for the computer. But that’s not the best thing. Usually I can’t stand toolbar add ons (Yahoo! toolbar and Google toolbar are crap for example) but the AVG toolbar is a toolbar done right. AVG’s add-ons for Firefox result in a few layers of protection. First when doing a search through almost any search engine, AVG gives icons next to your results letting you know if a page has checked out safe before. Second, it monitors the page you’re currently on, and if something it sees as fishy goes down, a section of the toolbar lets you know with an unattractive red color and flashing. Third, it works with Firefox’s own monitoring to keep you away from known attack sites. I actually use the paid version of AVG. Not because I need it, but I figure they’ve saved me at LEAST that much money in repairs to my own computer, and I know I’ve saved friends computers that were worth much more.
Runner Up: Avast! is good if you don’t mind annoying reminders and re-registrations. The software is solid but annoying. But one word of advice. Avoid McAfee and Norton at ALL COSTS. These are bloated and ultimately ineffective pieces of software. If your sense of security relies on a retail piece of antivirus software, do the paid version of AVG or Avast!, or if you’re wanting the absolute best, go with Kaspersky Labs.

My next post will go into more niche software – torrenting, Audio editing, video editing, disc authoring, and so forth. Expect it in a day or three.

Retro Review: The NeverEnding Story

I’m normally one who freaks out when I hear of a movie remake, especially when the movie in question is such an iconic one from my youth. When I heard that Leonardo DiCaprio’s Appian Way production company and Kennedy and Marshall were planning a remake I inwardly shuddered. I cried in the dark. I was in personal anguish and turmoil. Why oh why was my childhood being abused in this way?

I calmed. I had a copy of the movie on Blu-ray. I turned out the lights and loaded it up and made myself comfortable.  They couldn’t take this from me, at any rate. I hadn’t really watched it from an objective viewpoint before though, so I tried to clear my mind as much as possible.

I read the book more recently than I had watched the movie, so I would use this as part of my basis for comparison.

I lost any hope of objectivity as soon as that synthesized beat of the theme music started. Limahl may have had a rocky time with Kajagoogoo, but he hit a homerun with the music for this movie.

We sit through Bastien’s traumatic bully experiences, a moment of unabashed thievery, and Mr. Bux gets to his hideout and begins the book, and brings us along. Henson’s animatronic puppetry is almost magical. The characters are believable, detailed and larger than life. I make a double take as I notice Deep Roy is in there – holy crap, I never made that connection before!

Bastien for his part is pretty forgettable. His part in this movie is not pronounced, but they only really touched on the first part of the book for all that. They did try to develop him a bit with the bully sequence, which isn’t present in the novel.

I now find myself unconsciously drawing lots of comparisons to the book, noting that the Will-O-Wisp is absent, with the Rockbiter taking his/her/its lines. Not a big deal, special effects in 1984 were not quite as easy as they are today. I think they made the right choice, rather than use a shoddy special effect to cover the book more directly.

I try to ignore this once Atreyu is introduced, noting mentally his lack of green skin and blue hair. Noah Hathaway was fantastic in the part though, and carries it believably and strongly.

I pause the movie, go get a drink, remind myself that I should be watching the movie for what it is, and judging based on that. Unpause.

The movie proceeds apace, a fantastic journey, great effects, and my 30-year old self cried just as much as my 6 year old self did at the end of the swamp scene.

We get a look at Falkor, fantastic, majestic… oddly plastic looking. High definition is not a friend to all, I guess. The flaws in the puppet are worst in the close ups, when the speech doesn’t even come close to matching the mouth movements and the whole face is disjointed and phony looking. Ouch, my childhood.

I give the movie credit for having a lot of things that would not be ‘politically correct’ nowadays. The ideas of apathy, helplessness, anger and such aren’t often touched on in children’s cinema nowadays. The breasts on the sphinxes would be hard to put into a PG movie nowadays, but the sculptures are real works of art. Beautiful yet intimidating. The violence implied when meeting with Gmork, the blood. Sadly our lives are being sanitized away from real exploration of art.

We build to our climax and I’m enjoying myself immensely. I am only partially put off by how bad Gmork looks in the scene in the abandoned city. Tears flow when the Childlike Empress pleads with Bastien, I cheer when the bullies are dealt with in the end.

The NeverEnding Story is a fantastic movie. Sure, it has definite flaws that aren’t helped by the aging process, but it’s standing the test of time. I put it on for the kids the next day and watch their reactions to it. My oldest is enchanted, to the point of violently shushing her siblings when they get too loud. My middle child is a year younger than I was when I first watched it. She likes the critters but doesn’t seem to follow the story.  Both of them are in tears during the swamp scene. My youngest just wonders why Cars isn’t on the TV then goes and plays with his toy cars. Overall a positive experiment.

It passes the tests. It’s a great movie that shouldn’t be forgotten. That being said, I look again at the differences between the book and movie, and I realize, it might not be a bad idea for a remake. We have a lot of untouched things in the book to address, the shapeshifter, the Old Man, and much of the character backgrounds can be reworked to be much closer to the novel. Make two movies, one for each half of the novel.  I often wondered how a decent sequel would turn out, rather than these lovely barely video worthy sequels we got before.

Final Verdict? The NeverEnding Story is a classic piece of cinema. It’s well realized, a great journey, has a fantastic lead actor driving it, and isn’t dumbed down like so many children’s movies are. It’s a solid 7 of 10.

The remake is going to be made whether I want it to or not, so instead of dwelling on that, lets see about the possibilities of bringing more of this great book to the screen. It has potential, don’t let me down Hollywood.

The raping of my childhood.

What do The Wizard of Oz, Yellow Submarine, Akira, Flight of the Navigator, Gremlins, Jurassic Park, Porky’s, Teen Wolf, and Police Academy have in common?

They’re all movies? Yes. Duh. Try again.

They’re all good movies? I think so, but ultimately it’s a matter of preference.

They’re all established pieces of cinematic art? Bingo.

So it seems it’s all the rage now to take old properties and run them through the Hollywood grinder. OK, I can see that in some cases.

Dune? Yeah OK, it wasn’t exactly the greatest movie. (It’s still one of my favorites, but so are Hell Comes To Frogtown and They Live — Rowdy Roddy Piper? You fucking rock, my man.)

OK, Dune definitely could benefit.

But Wizard of Oz? What’s wrong with you people? How on earth can you betray the memory of Judy Garland like that? The magic of the multicolored backdrops? The abject terror of those little flying monkeys? The hanging midget? (Yes, I know it’s just a tree prop) — What about the most important question of all — will it still sync up with my Dark Side of the Moon record?

Flight of the Navigator — imagine this scene:

Now imagine it without the voice of Paul Reubens.

Sacrilege.

I’m not gonna write about any of the others because I don’t want to be angry for the rest of the day.

Liek OMG I has a blog.

Blogs…

I kinda hate the word blog in general, but it’s transcended being a general poppycock medium for teenaged girls. Now I don’t have to sift through 417 diary entries on how cute Billy Morgan is or if he’ll ask Sarah to prom. Now I get political opinion, tech news, world events and so forth through blogs. The medium has grown exponentially and matured drastically.

But don’t let that fool you. This particular blog has a 90% chance of being used occasionally, in short bursts, being very haphazard, and generally falling by the wayside in the gigantic conglomeration of garbage blogs now polluting the internet. This is just one asshole’s mental vomit, made visible to the masses.

Apologies in advance.